Let’s face it. A good laugh is cheaper than going to the doctor, at least that was more or less what Mark Twain told us. Are you all fired up? Stressed? Freaked out? On the point of a nervous breakdown? Take a good laugh and 400 muscles in your body will relax. Tickle your thymus gland with your fingers or your horse laugh and free endorphins. Experts say laughing or moments of strong positive emotion increases your immunity, helps blood circulation, deepens breathing, oxiginates the skin and even burns calories!
"Man Walks into a Bar," by Stephen Arnott and Mike Haskins, a collection of more than 6,000 entries, has a joke for every imaginable occasion. Did you hear the one about a horse who walked into a bar and ordered a drink? The bartender says:"Why the long face?"
A man walks into a bar and goes "Aaaagh!" It was an iron bar.
Or this one: What is the maximum sentence for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
Weddings and Marriages?
I like to watch my wedding video backward so I can watch myself walk out of the church a free man. Or: In all my years of marriage I’ve never stopped being romantic, but if my wife finds out she’d kill me.
Did you hear about the constipated composer? He got stuck on the last movement.
What’s the definition of macho? Jogging home after a vasectomy.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
An old woman dies a virgin and requests the following inscription on her headstone: "Born a virgin, lived a virgen, died a virgin." However, the undertaker economizes--he inscribes "Returned unopened."
There ain’t no reason to use no double negatives, not never.
Is there another word for synonym?
A man is standing on the bathroom scales desperately sucking in his stomach. "That’s not going to help," says his wife. "Yes it will," replies the man. "It’s the only way I can see the numbers."
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
I used to work for a paper company, but they folded.
I became a writer but I couldn’tstand the paperwork.
Well. Enough! If you want to entertain yourself or learn some jokes for your birthday party write to Ulysses Press, P.O. Box 3440, Berkeley, CA 94703,
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