What fun to tell a pun on the run, in the sun when the day is done...

    We use language to communicate our ideas, feelings...or to exchange information...and also to make fun of ourselves and our fellow homo sapiens. So, if today the sun is not so bright over your head, you might take in these word plays, the supposed top puns of the moment, and allow a laugh to warm up your insides. Oh. We would appreciate receiving your own puns!    

1.  A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.  Stewardess looks at him and says, ’I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

2.  Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  The one turns to the other and says, ’Dam!’

3.  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.  Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

4.  Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, ’I’ve lost my electron.’  The other says, ’Are you sure?’  The first replies, ’Yes, I’m positive.’

5.  Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?  His goal: transcend dental medication.

6.  A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.  But why, they asked, as they moved off.   ’Because,’ he said, ’I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open  foyer.’

7.  A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.  One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal.  The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan.  Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.  Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.Her husband responds, ’They’re twins!  If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.’

8.  "Stop beating around the bush!" yelled the furious Democrat at a party rally. "I’m not beating around the bush," replied the politician with the tranquility of the Dead Sea, "I’m beating Bush!"

9.  Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.  He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.  This made him (Oh, man, this is SO BAD, it’s good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10.  And, finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun in ten did. But it sure was fun!

11) This isn't exactly a pun, and it isn't fun. When John McCain, the Republican party presidential candidate, was asked for his opinion, during a press conference, about the increase of U.S. exports to Iran, especially in cigarrettes, he replied that selling more cigarrettes would be "a way to kill them." Then, realizing his slip of the tongue, added that he was just joking, that he stopped smoking 28 years ago. 

(Watch out! This list will be continued--with your help!)