When lips near, the stars shake: the skill of love making

He is 98 years old, has all his teeth, has lived through the First World and the Second World Wars, was kidnapped by a death squad but managed to escape, lived through the 1929 financial crisis, as well as the present one, and managed to survive many other modern world tragedies. His five love mates died before he did, now he is going on the fifth...In spite of everything, he believes along with the Beetles that love is the answer. He is not the kind of fellow who beats his chest seeking fame and glory. No. He just lives and loves. When we asked him recently what his secret was, he smiled a bit boyishly and handed us his own personal list on how to make love work. "You reorder the list as you see fit," he said.

1. Love your partner with words such as: "I love you," "I adore you," "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me." Be creative but sincere in inventing your own phrases.

2. Understand love as not just an emotion, but an exercise demanding daily drills and practices. There is no manual for this. The ancient masters may give you some guidelines, but you must develop your own routines.

3. Do a lot of very tender petting and caressing, at varied times of the day and night. Remember to include all parts of the body. The skin is a communication media, a secret non-verbal code for stimulating responses and preparing the body for more profound acts of love making. 

4. Be poetic. Use metaphores and graphic expressions in your love talk. Poetry can appear in your words or in your deeds: it is an undercurrent of colours, forms, sounds, arrangements and free flowing thoughts and feelings.

5. Try to surprise your lover with flowers and litte tokens of love, little gestures that reflect the essence of your feelings.

6.  Give him or her a gentle erotic massage at least three times a week. Be sure to ask what parts of the body need most attention. While running your fingers or toes over your companion’s body. It is a good idea to play soft instrumental music, clean and perfume the room, place flowers on the night table...

7..  Love and care for your own body. In order to love someone else, you must first love yourself. Do daily drills and exercises, breathing, yoga, bio-dance, Tai Chi or similar techniques, alternate earth oriented postures with those that open you up to the universe, ying and yang, heavy and soft. If possible get your partner to participate in some of your routines. This activity should be done early in the morning or late at night, in a quiet and secluded place, if possible in the presence of flowers. Take time to arrange the flowers in accordance to your inner feelings.

8.. In making love, advance slowly, involving all of the body but gradually concentrating on the search for pleasure, for orgasm, remembering that your aim is to climax together...

9.. Be patient. The best results come gradually.

10. Be honest, as honest as you can. You don’t need to be a prude. Nobody is a saint. But your partner needs to trust you, needs to know he or she will not be deceived, needs to feel contained.

11. Don’t loose your independence! You may have different religious, political and ideological ideas--as long as they are not discriminatory or based on violence. Sometimes you may disagree on small or important issues. Dialoguing the differences is an act of love. If there is no possibility of agreement you should either allow time to do its job or eventually part ways. Love for a person is not unchanging: it changes along with the transformations that alter our bodies and minds as we age. If the differences are too great, each may have to go his or her way, retaining all of the vitality that the love relation brought with it.

12. Find pleasure in everything you do, in your own life and in your actions together with your partner--from washing clothes, sharing household tasks, sharing responsibilities...or preparing an erotic meal.

13. Be creative and non-conformist, but respect your partner’s views. Creativity is the clue to staying young at heart and also enables you to live your love experience as if for the first time. It is the same principle that guides an actor’s performance: everytime the actor performs it should be as if it were for the first time.

14. Show solidarity. Learn how to give as well as how to receive. Giving and receiving is at the heart of love making. In the mundane world this means sharing economic burdens to the extent of each lover’s ability to pay. Economic dependency is not a good model for  lovers because it creates the feeling of inequality. Love is democratic but highly responsive to the ying and yang, the masculine and female, in all of its infinite varieties.