A pig says human beings are selfish and don't give a hoot about Mother Nature

My editor gave me a challenging assignmen not long ago: get a pig’s view of the human race. I had scribbled down at least a dozen questions, but to tell the truth my mind went blank when I saw the beast there with his snoot in the mud, blowing through his nose. (I say "his" without really knowing the sex of my interviewee) 

How often are the best plans cast aside in the wake of more mundane considerations? For example, fear, insecurity, self censorship, lack of self esteem, envy, opportunismo, even doubt about one’s real motivations? To err is human, as they say. Well all of those human contemplations went bananas when, with a snort smacking of impropriety the animal suddenly addressed me in a deep throated voice:

--Your thoughts are typical of human devilishness.

--I’m sorry...it’s just that, well, I’d like to get your opinion.

--Opinion? You already have it.

--No, I’m very worry...I mean, what I want is for you to us your opinion on human beings.

--Oh, I’d say that’s obvious enough. Humans are squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous and heedless destroyers of Nature.

--You really do have an impressive vocabulary but don’t you think you’re going to an extreme?

--Look around you. See how you throw garbage and trash right under your noses, burn oil and contaminate the air, wage war after war to get more petroleum, use foodstuffs to make fuel, cut down forests to lock yourselves up in boxes and spend your energy trying to get more and more gadgets. Humans are one of the few animals that have no ecological sense. Take us. We dispose of waste matter in a very efficient way. You should take us as your models.

Frankly, I was at a loss of words to know how to respond to that barrage of criticism. So I took a minute or so to get my bearings, took in some fresh wafts of air (well, fresh perhaps, but with that peculiar pig odour).

--I see you have very strong feelings about us...I wonder if we might not go into the subject with a little more taste.

--Taste? What do you humans know about taste? Was it taste to drop bombs on Tykio? Defoliate the forests in Cambodia? Develop weapons for bacteriological warefare?

--Wait a minute! You’re going a bit too far!

--If telling the truth is going too far.

--I’m sorry. I think we hace a language problem.

--I understand your words well enough. My problem is with your intentions.

--They are good enough, if you ask me. Imagine. Now we can reproduce plants and animals through genetic modification.

--Woh!

--So we get great big apples, like this, and I don’t know how many soy bean crops per year.

--¡You don’t say!  How many are going to die after eating those genetically modified crops?

--I don’t know. But they sure are pretty! Look at this red apple! And those soy beans.

--Half of which you are going to turn into fuel to drive your cars on 10 lane highways, while millions go to bed hungry at night.

--I’m sorry, this interview doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere.

--You think your destruction is so insignificant it isn’t even worth talking about.

--It’s not that.

--What is it then?

--You feel you have the right to kill us, cut down the Amazons, dirty up the environment, all in the name of progress...

--Ooops! I’ve run out of tape.

--That’s no excuse.

--Yes it is. How else could I remember what we just talked about?

--By paying attention...and changing your eating habits!